I broke my own heart.
It hurts. So I just force myself to swallow it down. And swallow. And swallow. And swallow. Until I can't feel anything. Until I automatically push it down without conscious effort. It's a conscious effort to smile and to talk, it's easier to keep quiet.
Then I start to lie, there's a need to lie and lie I do. I wonder if in the future I'd be able to tell the truth from the lies.
And if my heart will stop being numb. I know the pain is there, but I just can't feel it except for an ever present heaviness.
Enclosed in my little own world, with a hard casing. Protect me.
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3 comments:
Put on a facade if you need to. Just don't let your broken heart die...
She told me," Everything will be ok in the end, if its not ok, its not the end." I will never forget her and I'm not ok..but I'm trying and I believe if we try hard enough..we will recover..eventually..protect yourself but don't isolate yourself..I'm sure there are lots of pple who care for you..seek them out, that's what friends are for.
*Erm..if you find me a nusiance, do tell me, then I won't leave comments..just felt like offering some words of comfort..though they might not help much..but I realised its always better to have someone out there who cares..(again,something I learnt from her..sighz)
isn't it ironic, putting on a facade and not letting my heart die? are both not the same?
yar, there are a lot of friends who care for me and i appreciate them... i tink wat my friend once said was right - nobody can help you heal, you have to heal yourself.
no, you are not a nuisance, don't worry. =) Thanks for your words, I realized I probably shouldn't shut myself up like that. Hopefully I will heal in time.
hey don't sigh.. you learnt something from her, I'm sure she learnt something from you too. That's a good thing. I'm sure you'll heal over time, you are looking very positively on the side of things! So jia you!
Hmm..if putting on a facade is one of the ways to recover, to escape for the moment,there's nothing wrong with it...your heart may be broken at the moment,but I sure hope the numbness will fade away as time goes by.However.that of cos requires lots of efforts..sighz..trust me..though there are lots of bastards out there..there are nice guys around too. :p
Yup,I will jia you..though its easier to advise others than to actually help myself to recover..but I know at the end of the day, things will be ok..hopefully you will think likewise too. Take Care. :)
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