A "Missing" letter

I am so ironical. Wanting him to be happy but feeling upset/jealous that he's getting so much attention. haha. I can't figure myself out either. But today don't know why suddenly missed him a lot. Ok, maybe it isn't "suddenly", but it just suddenly increased a whole lot in the late afternoon.


Hi,

So many things are happening to you, but none of it I can be a part of, none of it I can share it with you, none of it you would tell me only. I am "part of the crowd". Out there and not noticed. A once was. Where are you now? What are you doing? How are you? I hope you are really fine and really happy. Today it hit me really bad that you are not by my side anymore. Without you, I feel as if a part of me is lost. I haven't seen you in only a week, but why does it feel so much longer. Do you notice my absence?

You once said somebody tried to tomorrow you. That was me, but I didn't say anything. I did it again just now, hoping they will pick you. Not sure if I'm doing the right thing because I'm afraid it will give you more pressure, with increasing traffic to your blog and the fact that there is yet greater restriction to what you can write. Yet I feel it should be done. Oh dear, now that I think about it, perhaps I really shouldn't have done it. I hope you don't mind...

I hurt inside and I think it would be some time before I can see you or talk to you again for fear that if I make contact with you, I will only bring you more hurt and burden. I wish to see you, though. Want to see you without you seeing me. I want to walk behind you without you knowing. I want to see you smile and you scrunching up your face. Want to see you eating, see you in that red OBS polo, see you doing your homework, just to see you walking would be enough too. I want to see you so much. I'm aware all this is too much to ask for, so imagining it all in my mind is enough.

I wish you well.