Sunday, October 08, 2006
I think people at this point will be thinking and advising me to let go. I don't know how to do so. I tried before, but when I think of the past, I can't. I look at him and I can't let go. If he didn't bother about me, maybe I can. But he does bother about me and I can't. I really cannot imagine my world without him. I thought I succeeded in letting go, but no... Why do I still hurt like this?
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9 comments:
What you need is a total break..put your heart to it..n try your best if you want to recover...that's the senario for me with her now..I miss her so much...suffering...missing her..thinking of her..yet,glad that she's willing to give me that break that I need..one need sharp immense pain at one go,prolonging something without a hope or an outcome is just going to increase the pain at the end of the day..hope u start trying to wake up soon...jia you..
do you still talk to her? is she still your friend? coz we're still friends and we talk to each other.. sometimes I can't tell if he treats me like he likes me or he treats me like an ordinary friend. and sometimes we get a little intimate, then I start to think otherwise and have hopes and think that he likes me still. but in the end he always say no, that we're just friends... I think I really need to fall again and again to get that fact drilled into my head. I tried to wake up, but being with him and seeing him and talking to him always makes it difficult, though I still want him as a friend...
No,I don't talk to her anymore,haven't seen her in weeks,she's not really my friend anymore..though perhaps in the long run,she might still be my friend..I still ask for updates abt. her from her best friend who's my gd friend,I actually just e-mailed her yesterday to show some care n concern to tell her not to be too stressed abt. sch work..sighz..I really do want to continue caring for her,but I had enough of the hurt..n I do not want to be just a substitute anymore..pardon the bluntness..I am actually appalled by the actions of the guy u like..he seem to be trying to enjoy the best of both worlds, having fun,enjoying your care and attention and yet refusing to commit..sighz..you take care bah...
substitute is not a good thing.
It's difficult to do what you say, like saying that "ok, I won't contact him/her anymore" then the next moment you sms or email him/her to ask about his/her wellbeing and to show some concern.
He was not having fun, knowing how upset I was. Will most people be like this? Feeling guilty that the other person is upset?
Things are how they are now also partly because of me. I allowed them to be like this. Sometimes I think I'm crazy to allow things to be like this.
Yah..its hard..took me n her like 1 month to get something like a total break going on..n guess what's her reply to my e-mail..a one liner..it is this kind of reaction that signals that i have to wake up whether i like it or not..
Sighz..of cos i'm not saying its totally his fault..it takes two hands to clap..if u still want to be involved in the clapping n he's willing to..this thing will drag on indefinitely..hope u will be able to cope with it..sighz..its so hard to wake up..i'm not really waking up too..sighz...but i have to..n i hope u noe one day u have to too..take care..
if you really want a total break, maybe you shouldn't email her at all. Usually it brings much worse pain, though for me it's always a wakeup call. You sound totally depressed, man... I know that nothing anybody say now can pull you out of there immediately, but time will heal you bit by bit.
As for me and him, it's taken an odd turn and right now I'm not sure what to do either, but it's ok.
I won't say it's a matter of "waking up" but a matter of letting go and healing. It's not your fault that you fell in love with her, ok? So don't blame yourself. I don't believe that anybody can get over somebody he/she loves in a short while. Allow yourself time...
Sighz..yup..thanks for your encouragement..will give myself time..you take care too..may we be successful in our respective healing soon..
you are welcome.. take it easy, ok?
btw, do you have a blog? can share? it's ok if you don't want to, not a problem.
Yup, I have a blog..its just a ranting space..my entries have been really depressing..http://www.justarantingspace.blogspot.com/
* Don't read it when u are down..
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