suffering inside

wo hen tong ku. How long more?

I really feel like asking him some stuff, but I cannot because I have no right to ask him. Some things are also better off not known. This person is right. It's worse when you want to cry but you can't cry because the tears just won't flow anymore. I don't know how to cry anymore. It has become an automechanism inside me to keep it in. But even mechanisms can go wrong sometimes. Yesterday my eyes leaked a little, just a little.

This won't end any time soon... So long ago there was once like this, why do I have to go through it again? I don't want to ever go through it again. Not ever. After this is over, that's it for me. I'm on my own.