CJ

CJ went off to bangkok on national day night and will be there till Sunday when he comes back. No idea what time he'll be back on Sunday but I miss him already though he's only been gone for 24 hours plus a little and we don't usually meet over the weekends either. Just the thought of him out of Singapore makes me a little upset. No we're not together and the action of missing him makes me upset at myself.

Did I mention that I somehow landed myself in the same situation as with SH? Went to CJ's place on Tuesday night with absolutely no sexual intention in mind. We ended up making out anyway. It was... sweet. And fun. Felt so comfortable and natural and... right. Haha, there was even a candle with the lights off.

Don't apologize. There's nothing to apologize about.

That was what he said when I apologized for refusing to do something that night. Yet ironically like any other guys, he would persist on doing some other stuff. But that line he said rang in my mind because I was shocked at it. I had forgotten I had my rights, forgotten that I am a female.

He walked me to the station and he held me, gave me a peck on my cheek. Sessions with SH never ended up like that. We would always walk separately and with an awkward air between us. He would never touch me like that. I'm happy that CJ held me. That image I will always remember. Because I don't know if I'll have it again for some time to come, not after I tell him what I have to tell him.