Why do I do what I'm doing? I wonder if it's normal and I think in a way it is. Somehow though, I know things can't go back to how it were before. Inside, I know I might have to lie, I might have to face something I don't like. But I don't want to because it's scary. If I lie, then there is no trust, but if I do not lie, then I might lose what I have. I knew, but I did it anyway.
*scratch head*
Lying to myself. Telling myself I'm doing this because it protects me. Because I can do what I want and still be able to retreat. But I lie. You see, I like it. Like it in a thwarted way. Telling myself that it is a case of "cannot" is easier than a case of "don't want". "Cannot" makes things easier for me and for everybody.
So much tangles. It isn't even safe. I don't understand why people want to get in it, yet I understand as well.
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