From the other blog

12/2/2007

Warning: Horribly long rant ahead. Please do skip over this post if necessary. Thank you.

P/S Don't trip and fall

Sometimes I really think I deserve nobody and will never get married. You know, I'll date, but never get married. Other times I shudder at the thought of men and marriage. WHY AM I RANTING?!

On apologizing:

It's like apologizing to him, no matter how many sorries I say, it just doesn't seem right, doesn't make up for the hurt (and terror) that I caused him, doesn't make up for my immaturity. It's just like that. I don't know what to do, so I do what I can do, maybe in excess.

You know what I feel quite bad about? About ranting about him, about thinking of him, about visiting his blog, about commenting on his blog, about joining ping.sg, about talking about this here. It doesn't make sense at all. See, I want to have my own life, but I'm not satisfied with how my life is going now. I know he wants to have his own life and he does have his own life and I don't wish to interfere but sometimes I just can't help myself. I want to stay as far away as possible, but often I get drawn in to how people like him lead their lives. So many like him out there. I yearn to have a taste of it, a little while, a little... recognition. So many things I want to try out, so I pick things out from everywhere to do. But I feel guilty anyway because I feel like I'm interfering with his life and I don't want to. I envy how he can just cut things off and lead his own life. When will I have the resolve to do this?

Ok, end rant. Somehow a post that has nothing to do with him ended up with him as the topic again. *rolls eyes*

Some things just cannot be published where certain eyes will see.