another open letter

我是不是真的很笨？觉得自己真的是如此。痛得很辛苦，很难受。Do you think he'd care or bother? So long a matter already, how long more to drag? Kind of wish that it'd be otherwise. I don't know if I told him - you know that girl? My heart ached for 2 years. This is worse than that. When it was still her, I could suddenly break out in tears in my room for no reason, I could become intensely jealous. This is 10 times that. I can't cry out, so I cry inside. You know what's good about then? She never knew, so I guess she was in a better state than you. Who knows? Maybe you won't even see this. Sometimes I really hate you and that friend of yours who told you to leave me alone and not bother about me because you care too much, but I understand why he told you that anyway. I don't know why I still like you. Like I don't know why I wrote this at rwrite and then moved it to mine.

You know in that previous post I said I wanted that one basic thing? I wanted you to reply me happy new year, wished me back directly in some way. But since that was over, I wish you would reply my comments sincerely, with thought and with warmth. But it's so cold that it just hurts more. Maybe because of my insistence, because I still like you that you feel threatened and afraid. Is that so? 对不起, but I really cannot stop liking you. It feels like you've forgotten me completely, it feels like to you nothing happened before between us. If somebody asked if you have ever dated a girl, would you say yes? Or would you ask what they mean by dating, then deny that it ever happened? I hope you won't deny.

I'm so aware that we could have been friends. Could have, if not for my childish behaviour, that day I accused you. I regret, you know? I'm sorry, you know?

SH, do you bother? Would you?

You coldness is a stab into my heart. So many times. I wish you would acknowledge me even now, but I know you won't - you'd rather acknowledge strangers. They day you'd do so is the day I stop liking you. I wish you'd hold me again.