I'm beginning to see that he is not worth holding on to. I've fallen for the wrong person. I'm not quite sure how it works out, but maybe if it had been at a different time when we're both more mature, we would have work out. But he doesn't even bother whether or not he has hurt me. I know that I've hurt him and I'm upset about it. *shrug* In any case, I may be selfish, but he's selfish too. Did I do it to him? Shit, I must not fall back into pitying him and holding on to him again. There are some things that both of us just have to understand. It struck me that he is forcing me to let go instead of letting me let go at a certain pace. Yes, it is my fault that I keep pushing him too. He is denying me my right to know why things between us ended that way, setting down the condition that I have to promise to let go before he'll tell me why. He doesn't bother that I'm hurting myself because of that lack of knowledge, that I am afraid of dating anybody in the future and hate myself because I don't know what is wrong. Even as a friend, that is very cruel.
It is very tiring trying to ask him out. I'm trying so very hard but he doesn't make my task easier. Through the process of typing and asking him out, I've started to hate him. My liking kind of drained away. I hope tomorrow I won't fall back into yearning for him. I hope tomorrow we can finally lay things out clearly. I hope tomorrow won't end in a huge quarrel and larger misunderstanding. I hope I don't lose my temper tomorrow. Most of all I hope tomorrow we'll both still be friends. Even if tomorrow don't work out, I hope I can maintain my outlook on things now.
Jenny, thanks for your help. I owe you a lot.
I have to get over him and I WANT to get over him.
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