You know how sometimes once you really like somebody, that person will always be special? You'll worry for him/her, feel protective over him/her, want him/her to be happy. It isn't the same feelings as the beginning anymore, but for some reason you still care for that person and you will still care for a long time to come.
I definitely do feel this way for somebody I won't name. Sometimes I do feel this way for SH. It is an uncomfortable feeling I wish to be rid of.
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I thought it was a tricky issue with ridz and CJ. But it wasn't really tricky from the beginning. I like the former more than I like the latter but I sincerely do not think him and I will work out at all. We are really too different. At this point in time anyway. This upsets me, actually, because I like him. But no, not now, there will be nothing now, not at this point in time. What about CJ? The feeling is just not the same as what I have towards ridz. Like CJ's there for me to satisfy my craving for physical intimacy. I wonder if it is because he is readily available, whereas ridz is always not, that makes me take him for granted, that results in belittling his presence.
I thought the solution is simple - cut off both. But it isn't so simple.
It's ok. One day they'll realize that I'm not worth it at all, then they'll leave me. Things will sort itself out. Ouch.
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