Actually I kind of wish that he wouldn't start commenting on my blog again after so long. Doesn't he know it gives me false hope? Why is he starting again after so long? I suspect it is because his "counsellor" told him that he can care but not to take on the problems as his own. I'm just confused.
Humans are so weird. When we don't have something, we want it. When we have it, we don't want it. It feels quite bad, knowing that I can't tell him to stop commenting (maybe I can?) and knowing that I can't blog about feeling bad over at rwrite. I feel kind of apologetic towards readers of that blog who doesn't know the existence of this one because the other one will be lacking in real feelings towards him.
The moment he asked over on MSN if I can at least don't cry, I knew I couldn't say no, because I don't want him to feel guilty anymore. So I said ok, and I knew I could never blog about crying over at rwrite ever again. Nor can I blog about missing him, or thinking of him, because he reads it and he'd feel bad over it. So everything should be here, although it doesn't feel right to put things here instead of at rwrite. So much of my feelings in there and just like that... end.
I don't think I can take it any longer, seeing him feel bad over what I feel. Like I said over at rwrite, suppression is a bad thing for him when he can't take it. I'll take it instead. At least I have temptstar to put down my feelings.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment