I feel very betrayed, really very very betrayed, and very used, though it should not be this way since I made those decisions myself. Fact is, I've never thought of him being with anybody else, so it was okay for me. But today, reading about him meeting him with the girl, about him liking her, about him confessing to her, I suddenly felt very used. Used by myself? Betrayed by myself?

It hurts me to know that after everything he could just wipe me off his MSN, pretend I never existed, pretend there was nothing between us. Will he then turn back to me if he fails in this relationship? Is this how things always turn out between people who once liked each other? Ah, I guess not. Circumstances turned them this way. I turned them this way.

What have I become, I wonder. I'm no player, can never be a player, yet I do not seem a decent person either.

I don't love him, do I. If I did, this wouldn't be going through my mind.