What is this that I feel? A longing, desire and missing somebody. Unlike and yet alike what I once felt for SH. Why? Is this directed towards that someone, or is it his absence I am not used to?
My mind reasons one way, my heart feels another. To know what to do, what is happening, but it is not what my heart desire. To be able to let go of affection, of the feeling of being cared for, of liking and love is not easy at all. Yet I cannot complain, can I? Because I once received that from him at one point in time, his most honest and truest feelings from his heart, and what more could I have asked from someone? The best way I can reciprocate, to give in return for that something he gave me, is to give him my deepest gratitude and most sincere thanks.
I wish I can tell you face to face how I feel. Tell you thank you for that short period of time of happiness, for being reliable and for being there, for asking me out, for calling me and making me feel loved despite knowing the possibilities of what I could have done before. Thank you for have waited. Sorry for having hurt you, but it is because you were hurt that I realized your feelings were real. Hmm, even if it wasn't real, it would not have mattered, would it? Because I felt good then, it felt real and thank you for that.
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