Easier being alone

Do you know, I cannot bear to taint the previous entry with any mention of anybody else. To me, he is exclusive. Entries about him are to be as such.

Much as I think my heart is healing, I do not know how fast or how effective the healing is. I do not want the healing to be done with somebody else as a crutch. I do not wish to develop something with somebody else before I have fully healed. I do not want to make use of anybody else. Yet I am eager for an escape, eager for somebody to move my heart again, eager to prove to myself that I can do better, eager for another's hand.

I am not ready for anything, not even ready for another's confession towards me.

I cannot trust myself yet, cannot handle the mere presence of another guy.

I need to be by myself for a while. In a way I miss the isolation. In a way it was easier.

I know I'm getting over him, but I just wish to be by myself a little while longer with no guys by my side at all. I'm getting too floaty. Don't like. Need to get my feet on the ground again, to remind myself of certain things.