Confused

I have so much uncertainties in things and in myself that I realize perhaps I am simply not ready for romantic relationships yet. The possibility of hurt puts too much fear in me and there are simply too many things that I cannot face, both internally and externally. Too much fear in me that this is wrong, that is wrong. Too dependent still. Perhaps I will always be dependent and I need somebody to smack me enough so that I will learn not to... Or do I have to be hurt enough to learn not to be dependent? I want somebody to love and accept me because he decides to, not because I am there at the right time for him (wrong time for me), not somebody who goes after me because I am an escape route, nor one who likes because others say he should.

Isn't it ironic? That I want devotion, yet I myself am not ready or willing to give it. I wonder if it is because I have not met the correct person yet or if it is because I am simply withholding.

It disturbs me that he tells me he is attracted to me when he is having trouble drawing the line between having a female best friend and something more than that, with somebody else.

How do I give it all like this? How do I trust? Does it not explain why I fear?

And is this fear not enough to prove that we are not meant to be?

Not sure how to say, but I don't have a good feeling about this. Too much difference. Too different at the core, like he said. Really too different.