Needs, Wants, Desires

Having a book making me feel this way is quite... scary? All sex and hormones. And for a moment, I wonder what it'd be like starting a sexual relationship with some, yes some, people I know.
Maybe A whom I've known for a long time? Or B with whom there has always been something going on once in a while? How about C, with whom I'm on a completely clean slate with? Then there's D, with whom it'd be so easy to slide into with.
Ah, then there's that D-M relationship I really want to try out... Though on a slighter scale.
Then again, as it was politely pointed out by a friend, I'm all naive and lack of experience, it really wouldn't go anyway.

A girl can still dream, can't she?

I like you

I like you. Too bad you don't feel the same way about me.

My heart aches when I don't see you. It aches when I see you. I am exhilarated when I see you. It makes me feel like a teenager all over again. I want to see you online and offline. I want to talk to you, hear your voice, hear you laugh, watch your face, stand next to you, stand behind you, watch you walk.

I enjoy you. I can tell you that.
I like you, more than I thought. But I can't tell you that.

I don't like it - it aches the same way I remembered for somebody else. But I think I can bear with it.

invigorated

It is weird how a short chat with him can lift my spirits and invigorate me. Yet there are things to be regretted.

I MISS HIM.

sigh.

Lies, what lies! Here I foolishly thought he was different when he's not different from the other guys after all. Words, damn words. I'm never trusting what another man says again, nor am I ever trusting another man regarding such matters again.

Hate this heavy feeling in my heart. Torn between wanting to laugh at his words and cry at my foolishness. Another wound, another friendship destroyed, another lesson learnt.

Oh yes. And I don't trust myself in that department either. Probably going to keep myself as far away from it as possible, as long as it ever involves another guy.

No courage

I want to tell you that I like you.

But I have no courage to fall in love.

Missing

4 days away from Singapore and I miss him terribly. I don't like missing people, especially in this sense, because in the end only I'm doing the missing and missing hurts.