I hate it

I'm selfish. I hate it when he's happy. I hate it when he's doing better than me. I hate it that he's attached. I hate it that he acknowledged her. I hate being played.

I hate it when I feel like this. I'm dropping pieces of my heart all over the place. One day I'll just stand there and cry.

For my record

For my record, in case I need to explain to someone else why I feel trapped:

i feel trapped by myself and my own tots and heart
i dunno if i'm angry at him, but i know i'm definitely angry at myself
and i'm envious and jealous of him
and i'm hurt coz i wish it's me
but i know it's nt me
and i dun want to keep thinking abt it
and i kind of want to pretend it all nv happened coz i want to protect myself
but i tink if i pretend it nv happened, it won't help and i'll still b hurt, mayb worse nxt time
then i start thinking wat if nxt time he gets married and i nv know, and i tink, do i really want to know
haha..
it's like a shard of glass in me
or really like a mirror which has broken and can nv nv b fixed, symbolic of e r/s b/n me & him
coz i can't face him at all. i can't look at him and pretend it's ok coz it's nt and just tat day when i was abt to see him in a grp meeting, i was so anxious and feeling so stupid abt it
i dunno wat i'm feeling anymore
yar, so mostly, i'm feeling trapped in all this. end of story.