Nearly 3 years

My heart is empty without him, yet I am jealous of him. I want to see him, yet I absolutely detest him.

I am nothing to him, he is nearly nothing to me.
I am nothing to him but he means so much to me.

Angry that he has a life I am not a part of and never will be a part of.

I don't want another love, I just want his. Yet we both know there is no way. He has no feelings for me - to him, I am lesser than a friend. Things are always better when we are no more than friends.

It's already been almost 3 years.

Speechless.

Being nobody

3 years later I'm still back to square one.

To him, I'm nobody - dispensable, unimportant, forgotten, ignored, a distraction... Somebody by the sides.

To me, he's everything. So many things I've done is because of him. The moment he dismissed something, that thing is no longer important to me as well. Does he know how much he means to me?

But even if he does, it doesn't mean anything to him. It has been this way for 3 years and so it will be.

He forgot.

And then he forgot about me.

Thanks. That made me feel very treasured.

Really.

I feel so stupid for liking him.

Happy

Tonight is one of my best nights because we conversed about a problem he has. I'm really happy I talked to him.

Selfishness, isn't it? To be happy about talking to him and not upset over how badly he's feeling.