I really don't want to see you. Can you please don't go for the next community outing?

Breaking my heart everytime

Every time, he breaks my heart. Did he do it unknowingly, or does he not care? Perhaps a mixture of both.

Perhaps all this time I'm the one breaking my own heart with expectations of a "bye" or a "good night" from him after a conversation online.

I can't talk to him because I feel upset every time the conversation ends, or starts. I can't go for outings with the community because he's always there. When I see him, my insides twist itself up in a mixture of joy and sadness, then I'll go home in a worse state than before. That is why I've stopped going for outings with the community and in a way I'm a little upset. Some time ago, I told Ridz that I wanted to get out of the community because of him. Now what I'm doing is akin to doing that, only that I'm not really getting out of it, just taking the steps to avoid this heartache while making things as normal as possible. I wonder how long before I see them all again. Well, not like I'm very close to them anyway, so it's alright.

It's stupid, but it's a lot safer. Time will make things better, I know. But it'll take a long time and by then, who knows what would have happened?

I don't believe in love, if you must know. I don't believe there is somebody for me. I only believe my friends won't leave me and I only believe I will have my own child.

Now where the heck did that last part come from?! haha.